• Send us Mail
  • Follow us on Twitter
  • Join our Facebook Group
  • Subscribe to our RSS Feed
  • Search Site

Polari Magazine

  • Home
  • Up Front
    • Editorial
    • Clementine: The Living Fashion Doll
    • Polari Safari
    • WTF? Friday
    • Bulletin Board
    • Polari Facts
  • Features
    • Interviews
    • Features
    • Gallery
    • Opinion
    • Heroes & Villains
  • Community
    • Oral Histories
    • Coming Out Stories
    • Relationships
    • IDAHO
    • LGBT History Month
    • Blogs
  • Reviews
    • Books
    • Film and Television
    • Music
    • Stage
    • Visual Arts
    • Classics: Books
    • Classics: Film and Television
    • Classics: Music
  • About
    • About Polari Magazine
    • Contributors
    • Contact

You are here: Polari Magazine / Relationships / He Had It Coming

He Had It Coming

19 Dec 2012 / Comments Off / in Relationships/by Scott De Buitleir

Scottie finds out that he was in a game where the other player was holding his cards too close to his chest.

He Had It Coming, Scott De Buitléir

The older you get, the more you realise that people won’t always be as honest and as open as you’d like them to be. What I never thought I’d have to learn was that some people aren’t comfortable with openness or honesty while dating. They prefer the game of holding your cards – or in this case, thoughts – close to your chest, and expect you to follow suit. The problem, however, is that I’ve never been one to go along with what people expect.

The guy I had been dating for a few weeks clearly wasn’t as willing – or ready – to be as open with me as I was with him. Last week I wrote about how I notice people’s body language, and how that usually reveals more than what they’re actually saying. When I told him I had noticed his body language when talking to the friend of a friend, he nodded and merely said “cool.” Something in the pit of my stomach told me I had just made a severely wrong move in the ritual of courting.

We continued seeing each other, and things seemed to be going well enough for a while. Soon, though, we seemed to be having more serious conversations than good banter. Deep or intense conversation is rarely something I consider to be bad (as too much vapid banter would make me lose interest) but the balance was definitely not healthy. One particular night, we ended up in this deep conversation about how quickly we had become joined at the hip, but the points he was making were way too flawed.

“I just think you’re going a bit too fast,” he said with a worried tone. My head jilted back like it had been hit with a bad smell, which made sense because his logic stank. This guy was the one who had been calling me on the phone every day for the week between our first and second dates. This was the guy who said I “ticked all the boxes.” This was also the guy who wanted me to spend most of his birthday weekend with him, despite my initial intentions to give him alone time to celebrate with his friends. His accusations didn’t make sense in the slightest, because even if I did come across as (too) keen, he had no idea about the mixed messages he was sending.

I was planning to catch up with friends in Belfast, and he was going to visit family in the south-east, so he suggested that we not speak during the upcoming weekend. This was the moment I should’ve told him to just not speak to me ever again, but ever the walkover, I agreed to his idea. That weekend was brilliant and I spent little-to-no time thinking about him. Still, as I sat on the bus back to Dublin, I could feel my rage for him return.

We arranged to meet up that following Tuesday, and all I could think was that I was still angry at him. That sort of emotion didn’t bode well for a romantic future, and I was far too aware of that. I figured I would see how I felt when I was actually with him before making any decision. Sure enough, as soon as I saw his little face, I wanted to rip his head off like some deranged divorcé.

He owed me a dinner because I paid for it last time, so I figured that if the night wasn’t going to go well, I’d at least get even – emotionally and financially. He ordered(!) me to choose a restaurant, presumably in an attempt to ‘teach’ me to be more decisive, and I begrudgingly narrowed it down to two. One was a mid-to-upmarket burger joint, the other a romantic Moroccan restaurant. Seeing that he hadn’t tried Moroccan cuisine before (and clearly wasn’t up for trying) we ended up grabbing a burger. As we sat down, I forced a smile but grit my teeth and also forced the conversation. Every second felt like a century, and I was delighted when the food arrived because it meant I didn’t have to talk. Part of me relaxed for those few moments; enjoying my food and gleefully hoping that if he choked on his food, I wouldn’t have to deal with him myself.

Alas, no ambulance was needed (yet) and we continued onto the cinema. I didn’t even need to finish the starter in the restaurant to realise that I didn’t want anything to do with this guy anymore, but regardless, I wanted the food and the film, so I decided not to say anything until after we had been fed and entertained. This, dear reader, is where you can feel free to judge me if you haven’t already. I easily could’ve said something earlier, but my cruel streak was in full swing.

Eventually, the film ended, and we were soon to follow suit. “This isn’t working out,” I announced, “is it?”

This is where he shocked me. Despite the fact that I felt like the date was forced and awkward in a good few parts – not to mention the fact that I was suppressing my rage for him throughout – he told me that he had actually really enjoyed himself and that if it wasn’t working out, that it was my decision. I was stunned. What I had expected was that our little talk in his car had soured the relationship – or whatever it was, because God forbid I use such a ‘deep’ word – for both of us. It seemed it was just me, but that was still enough to make a decision to call it off.

After all, he wanted me to stop being so accommodating and to make a decision! All I did – ironically enough – was give him what he wanted. Pity it wasn’t a decision he saw coming.

What are your thoughts on Scottie’s dating disasters? Where is he going wrong (or right)? Let us know by leaving your comments below.

 

[To read the previous instalment of Scott’s column, click here.]

 

‘Scottie’ Illustrations by Stephen Charlick

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
Tags: break up, gay relationships column, online date, scott de buitléir, second date, stephen charlick

Related Posts

Did you like this entry?
Here are a few more posts that might be interesting for you.
Related Posts
Meeting the Parents. Almost.
What Would Bridget Jones Do?
When No Turns Into Oops
One For The Ladies
Going the Distance
Back To Basics
Calling It A Night
An Open Letter To The Newly-Weds
Frappucinos and Flirting
Scott De Buitléir When Rugby Stopped Being Sexy

Search Polari

Latest Posts

  • Polari Magazine 2008-2014December 3, 2014 - 6:16 pm
  • Tearing Up Their Map: An Interview with LambDecember 2, 2014 - 2:45 pm
  • Future Islands • GigDecember 2, 2014 - 1:41 pm
  • Puppets with Attitude (at Christmas)December 1, 2014 - 6:30 pm
  • The Aesthetic of Voyeurism: Interview with Antonio Da SilvaDecember 1, 2014 - 1:25 pm
  • Broke With Expensive Taste • Azealia BanksNovember 28, 2014 - 3:59 pm
  • Royalty Strutting on an American College Stage: Miss and Mr. Gay ISU 2014November 27, 2014 - 2:59 pm
  • Bright Light Bright Light: Everything I Ever WantedNovember 26, 2014 - 11:15 am
  • Jaime Nanci And The Blueboys: ‘Toy’ TalkNovember 25, 2014 - 4:09 pm

About Polari Magazine

Polari Magazine is an LGBT arts and culture magazine that explores the subculture by looking at what is important to the people who are in it. It’s about the lives we lead, not the lifestyles we’re supposed to lead.

Its content is informed & insightful, and features a diverse range of writers from every section of the community. Its intent is to help LGBT readers learn about their own heritage and to sustain a link between the present and the past.

Polari is designed to nurture the idea of community, whether that be social and political, or artistic and creative. It is your magazine, whether you want to read it, or whether you want to get involved in it, if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or queer.

Polari Magazine is all these: it's a gay online magazine; it's a gay and lesbian online magazine; it's an LGBT arts and culture magazine. Ultimately, it is a queer magazine.

Latest Posts

  • Polari Magazine 2008-2014December 3, 2014 - 6:16 pm
  • Tearing Up Their Map: An Interview with LambDecember 2, 2014 - 2:45 pm
  • Future Islands • GigDecember 2, 2014 - 1:41 pm
  • Puppets with Attitude (at Christmas)December 1, 2014 - 6:30 pm
  • The Aesthetic of Voyeurism: Interview with Antonio Da SilvaDecember 1, 2014 - 1:25 pm
  • Broke With Expensive Taste • Azealia BanksNovember 28, 2014 - 3:59 pm
  • Royalty Strutting on an American College Stage: Miss and Mr. Gay ISU 2014November 27, 2014 - 2:59 pm
  • Bright Light Bright Light: Everything I Ever WantedNovember 26, 2014 - 11:15 am
  • Jaime Nanci And The Blueboys: ‘Toy’ TalkNovember 25, 2014 - 4:09 pm

Twitter

Tweets by @PolariMagazine

Archive

  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • July 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • May 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
© Copyright - Polari Magazine - Wordpress Theme by Kriesi.at
  • scroll to top
  • Send us Mail
  • Follow us on Twitter
  • Join our Facebook Group
  • Subscribe to our RSS Feed
Website Privacy & Cookies