WTF is Kylie doing to me?
The new single from Kylie makes Rob Partridge reassess his standing as a curmudgeon, so much so that he wonders what power Kylie has over all ‘the gays’.
D’ya know, I just don’t understand this obsession us ‘gays’ have with Kylie Minogue. How has this tiny forty-five year old Aussie managed to woo us into what feels like a comfortable blanket of pop-perfection? It doesn’t matter what she does, we always seem to love it, and I just don’t get it.
As Charlene in Neighbours she proved that her acting abilities were perfect for an Australian soap opera. And a couple of her films – Street Fighter and Bio-Dome – seemed to reiterate this point. So let’s ignore the acting and stick her on a stage with a microphone and kickin’ backing track then let her sing – because in this guise she seems able to do no wrong.
We loved her debut single ‘The Locomotion’ ( yes, it was her debut single, not ‘I Should Be So Lucky’ ) – so much that she released it twice.
She has a way of knowing exactly what style of music will sell. You could say “she knows her audience” but given that her audience is predominately every gay male ever it still something of an achievement that she manages to constantly please us. Not only is she a fantastic performer, she’s also a lovely person, by all accounts. An ex of mine was a dancer for Ms. Minogue and he’ll tell you she’s one of the nicest artists to work for. He raves about her.
Let’s face it, there are some fickle queens out there and all Kylie has to do is make one mistake and they’ll be bitching about her on Twitter and making sure everyone knows just how upset they are. But they don’t! For example, the abomination that was ‘Where the Wild Roses Grow’ with Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds is one of my most played Kylie tracks, yet it’s awful. ‘Kids’ on the other hand has probably the lowest play count of every track in my iTunes library because, personally, I think Robbie Williams has one of the worst voices of my generation. Yet even so, if it comes on at the local discothèque and I’ve had enough Camparis, I’ll be bopping away and singing along to every bloody word!
Kylie seems to have this hypnotic hold on all of us and to be honest I think we all welcome it. She can do no wrong and with every single she releases we pay her back with adoration and praise. We’ll do this again on January 27th when ‘Into the Blue’ is released. I’ve just heard it; it’s ace! It’ll be up there with all the others. My friend Cathal says it’s exactly the same as ‘Sitting on Top of the World’ by Delta Goodrem and he’s right, but it’s still fupping brilliant and I’m gonna be all over it, just like I have been with everything else she’s done since 1987!
I love her. I don’t know why I love her, I just do. Her voice could warm a cold cup of coffee. She’s pop heroin. I’m one of those people that hates someone or something having control of me; seriously Kylie, WTF are you doing to me?
Rob Partridge blogs at twelvereasonswhy.com where he writes about his constant fight with his weight, getting fit and his inner adult. His Twitter feed is @RobDoofus.