To mark LGBT History Month, 2013, Polari asked its contributors to recall a song that had an impact on their own stories.

‘Mr. Bojangles’ – John Holt
by Martin Watkins
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The first time I heard ‘Mr. Bojangles’ was also the first time I’d ever been to a memorial service at the London Lighthouse in 1990. A young black dancer in his early twenties, pretty much the same age as me. I didn’t know him that well. I went along to support a mutual friend. I’d been to family funerals before: a few hymns and Bible readings, but this was something else entirely. Friends and family sharing memories. Listening to his favourite songs. Informal, personal and utterly affecting.

The fact that I felt very much an outsider at the service gave me the opportunity to think. People my age that I knew, dying. Suddenly it was a very different world. One that I wasn’t prepared for and didn’t understand. Maybe that’s the thing: no-one was prepared or understood.

The last song at the service was ‘Mr Bojangles’. It’s fair to say I’m not the biggest Reggae fan but I was instantly hooked. But not far into the song the most touching scene. His family and friends stood up one by one and danced, smiled, hugged and celebrated life and love. Mourning and loss momentarily replaced with joy.

In the years that followed, more memorials and funerals. Some close friends and a partner. Standing in Comptons on a weekday night asking about someone you hadn’t seen around for a while only to find out they’d died. Sadness upon sadness. ‘Mr. Bojangles’ became the song that got me through.