Scottie takes a different turn and, like Carrie Bradshaw before him, writes advice for the ladies who love.

“There’s something for your column,” my friend joked, with a certain tone of sincerity. “Dating for girls; why isn’t there anything for gay or bi girls? Or, why do guys feel the need to go online to find a man?” Sarah made a brilliant point. In my months of being a gay dating columnist, not once have I referred to dating for girls. Ladies, my apologies.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I’m now going to date lesbians and see why it’s going wrong for them. That column would be pretty succinct; they’d be on a date with a man, that’s why it’d go wrong. Instead, I asked my close friend why she hadn’t tried internet dating before, a method of meeting potential suitors at which gay men worldwide quickly became experts. Her answer was deep:

“Have you seen the freaks on that site?!”

Good point, and it didn’t apply to just girls, either. Internet dating had been a constant source of disappointment for both of us, time and time again. Despite that, though, gay guys are still addicted to the likes of dating apps. There’s one difference between gay guys and lesbians – girls don’t have any apps to tell them who’s in the area. To suggest that Grindr is only for hook-ups, though, would insinuate that girls don’t have a sex drive. If I know girls at all, then I can say that they do, but they’ll go about getting hot & heavy in a different way to their male counterparts.

So how did my friend meet her current girlfriend? Was it a case of love at first sight, with fireworks, candles and more? No, it was a case of drunk at first sight. As you do – of course, we strive to break down national stereotypes in this column. Begorrah.

I’m being too hard on us. Still, the alcohol Sarah consumed before meeting her meant that her inhibitions were down, and when she met her lady-to-be, she had no problem being charming enough to charm the pants off her. (Or should that be “panties”?) It wasn’t enough to leave a heavy hangover – just enough to be able to tell her that she was hot. And so, here we have an example of a little Dutch courage working the way it should; drink sensibly, then flirt liberally.

It made me ask myself if Sarah had the right attitude when it came to meeting someone new; online dating wasn’t any way to make a connection that is more than fibre optics, and one or two pints before approaching the one who catches your eye isn’t a bad idea. That all means that you need a place to go to for the magic moment to happen, right? Well, why then are there no good places to go for girls?

Fair enough, I can say that in recent years, it’s gotten slightly better in Dublin; the lower part of one particular gay bar is usually packed with women. What about other cities, though? Only once have I ever heard of a ‘lesbian bar’ in Copenhagen, but then it closed down a few months after I discovered it. So, why are there not as many clubs or bars that gay or bi women go to? Or, is it that two girls together is a more acceptable image for ‘mainstream’ bars?

I remember asking another friend of mine recently why lesbian nights never really took off in Dublin. He works as a DJ for one of the bigger gay clubs in the capital, and has seen his fair share of failed club nights – for guys or girls – over the years. His answer was a simple one; “girls are too cynical about those events, plus the bitchiness of the gay scene is smaller and more concentrated amongst the lesbian community.”

I wasn’t too sure if his last statement was nothing more than gossip, but it was a plausible reason as to why any lesbian night that was set up in a night club or bar here failed fairly quickly. So, I return to my question; where do the girls go? If there’s really only one main dating website for gay & bi girls, and most lesbian nights seem to flop, where’s left? We’re not left to the stereotype of ladies’ rugby or football teams, are we? If you’re into that, then great, but there is such a thing as a lipstick lesbian. For those, the Manolo Blahniks are coming off for no rugby ball.

For the moment, my friend Sarah is happy with her girl friend, so I’ve no need to play Cilla Black for her. That’s just as well, because I wouldn’t have a clue where to start looking. What’s worse, actually, is that neither would she, although turning on the laptop would be out of the question.

So, in those timeless words of David Guetta, Where Dem Girls At?

[To read the previous instalment of Scott’s column, click here.]

‘Scottie’ Illustrations by Stephen Charlick