• Send us Mail
  • Follow us on Twitter
  • Join our Facebook Group
  • Subscribe to our RSS Feed
  • Search Site

Polari Magazine

  • Home
  • Up Front
    • Editorial
    • Clementine: The Living Fashion Doll
    • Polari Safari
    • WTF? Friday
    • Bulletin Board
    • Polari Facts
  • Features
    • Interviews
    • Features
    • Gallery
    • Opinion
    • Heroes & Villains
  • Community
    • Oral Histories
    • Coming Out Stories
    • Relationships
    • IDAHO
    • LGBT History Month
    • Blogs
  • Reviews
    • Books
    • Film and Television
    • Music
    • Stage
    • Visual Arts
    • Classics: Books
    • Classics: Film and Television
    • Classics: Music
  • About
    • About Polari Magazine
    • Contributors
    • Contact

You are here: Polari Magazine / Oral Histories / Marriages and Unions

Marriages and Unions

16 Feb 2009 / Comments Off / in Oral Histories/by Christopher Bryant

I had originally planned to write a straightforward account of my first time at a civil partnership for this Oral Histories piece. This month my best friend separated from his wife and as a result I was not sure I could write the celebration I had originally intended. I was the best man for his wedding, at which the photographer was a trans woman and the Father’s speech so detailed the Groom observed that the Bride’s CV would be available on the way out. It was a wonderful day, and one I shall always remember with real fondness. Yet …

At the civil partnership I was sat in the back row, partly because I was late in, and partly because it is the best place for the naughty kids. The setting was a converted farmhouse in the Cotswolds. I settled in to read the order of events to find that one of the songs to be played in the service was by the Indigo Girls. The naughty kid came to the fore and I said, with a glint in my eye, “we’ll probably have to do the k.d. lang walk as we leave.” To which someone replied, “what’s the k.d. lang walk?” Never attempt humour at a wedding/civil partnership.

This is a lesson I should have already learned. In the speech I gave at my best friend’s wedding I took time to comment on our rather elaborate outfits. We were dressed, basically, as Mr Darcy because the Bride had a thing about the BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice with Colin Firth. She was not so happy when I revealed this little bit of insider information. I then went on to say that, over the years my brother had been engaged, the current favourite film of the happy couple would determine the potential marriage outfit. One year there was even going to be a Dances With Wolves style wedding. Eek! Then luckily, I added, he turned out to be gay so the family did not have to go through all that. The room was completely silent except for one guffaw at the back.

Always the back.

What I observed from the back row at the civil partnership was an event that recalled many weddings I had been to. And, really, that was the point. Watching my friends Abi and Paula take their vows was a moving experience, and not just because they are an adorable couple. It was also because of the very fact that they can. We are in Britain blessed that the government passed a law to allow civil partnerships and did not take it to the popular vote, as has happened in so many of not-so-united States. The law was passed based on the principle of equality, and as anyone in a minority knows, this needs protecting from the majority and not turned over to them. The result is not democracy … but mob rule.

Abi and Paula’s civil partnership was a pre-Christmas affair, and it retained the magical feeling of Christmas. The mulled wine we were served after the ceremony – in cups that had been hand-painted with each guest’s name, no less – certainly bolstered that feeling. As we gathered around, I realised what a superb advertisement this would be for the very idea of the gay-straight alliance. In fact, sexuality was not the issue; it merely determined who was getting hitched to whom. That truly is progressive and it certainly reflects the world of so many people I know, who are beyond being hung up on sexuality and simply accept it as fact.

The after-dinner speeches were as interesting – and as dull – as one would expect. There was no banner-waving about what a great thing it was that such a union was possible. It was about the people there, which is as it should have been. Christianity crept in, but that is because Abi’s father is a minister and she a Christian. That said, Christianity made far more of an impact at my best friend’s wedding where the Bride and Groom were definitely atheists. There was no hypocrisy here, which I reminded myself when St Paul – not exactly a friend of the homo – was quoted. Still, it was a fitting quote. In isolation.

I have been to many weddings in my life. My mother is a ninth child and so one would expect that. But I have never been to one that was so genuinely warm. Even at my best friend’s wedding I had to ward off the evil-eye of the mother-in-law, who thought of me as a second-class citizen as well as other things I will not commit to this page. The Daily Mail had done its work on her.

In the end, each ceremony is equal to the relationship it celebrates. Whether one is behind the idea of marriage, or sees civil partnerships as simply apeing heterosexuality, is beside the point. It is the right to it that matters. What happens after that is up to the married couple alone.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Tumblr
  • Pinterest
Tags: civil partnership, daily mail, gay marriage, marriage

Related Posts

Did you like this entry?
Here are a few more posts that might be interesting for you.
Related Posts
Have Your Say on Equality
Why the hell would you get married?
The Unholy Trinity
Clementine the Living Fashion Doll on marriage
Watch out, the media vultures are circling
A helping hand from E.M. Forster
An Equal Love Campaign update: Matthew and Scott
Gino Meriano on Civil Partnerships
The Marriage of Northstar and Kyle
The Alternative Queen’s Speech 2011

Search Polari

Latest Posts

  • Polari Magazine 2008-2014December 3, 2014 - 6:16 pm
  • Tearing Up Their Map: An Interview with LambDecember 2, 2014 - 2:45 pm
  • Future Islands • GigDecember 2, 2014 - 1:41 pm
  • Puppets with Attitude (at Christmas)December 1, 2014 - 6:30 pm
  • The Aesthetic of Voyeurism: Interview with Antonio Da SilvaDecember 1, 2014 - 1:25 pm
  • Broke With Expensive Taste • Azealia BanksNovember 28, 2014 - 3:59 pm
  • Royalty Strutting on an American College Stage: Miss and Mr. Gay ISU 2014November 27, 2014 - 2:59 pm
  • Bright Light Bright Light: Everything I Ever WantedNovember 26, 2014 - 11:15 am
  • Jaime Nanci And The Blueboys: ‘Toy’ TalkNovember 25, 2014 - 4:09 pm

About Polari Magazine

Polari Magazine is an LGBT arts and culture magazine that explores the subculture by looking at what is important to the people who are in it. It’s about the lives we lead, not the lifestyles we’re supposed to lead.

Its content is informed & insightful, and features a diverse range of writers from every section of the community. Its intent is to help LGBT readers learn about their own heritage and to sustain a link between the present and the past.

Polari is designed to nurture the idea of community, whether that be social and political, or artistic and creative. It is your magazine, whether you want to read it, or whether you want to get involved in it, if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual, trans, or queer.

Polari Magazine is all these: it's a gay online magazine; it's a gay and lesbian online magazine; it's an LGBT arts and culture magazine. Ultimately, it is a queer magazine.

Latest Posts

  • Polari Magazine 2008-2014December 3, 2014 - 6:16 pm
  • Tearing Up Their Map: An Interview with LambDecember 2, 2014 - 2:45 pm
  • Future Islands • GigDecember 2, 2014 - 1:41 pm
  • Puppets with Attitude (at Christmas)December 1, 2014 - 6:30 pm
  • The Aesthetic of Voyeurism: Interview with Antonio Da SilvaDecember 1, 2014 - 1:25 pm
  • Broke With Expensive Taste • Azealia BanksNovember 28, 2014 - 3:59 pm
  • Royalty Strutting on an American College Stage: Miss and Mr. Gay ISU 2014November 27, 2014 - 2:59 pm
  • Bright Light Bright Light: Everything I Ever WantedNovember 26, 2014 - 11:15 am
  • Jaime Nanci And The Blueboys: ‘Toy’ TalkNovember 25, 2014 - 4:09 pm

Twitter

Tweets by @PolariMagazine

Archive

  • December 2014
  • November 2014
  • October 2014
  • September 2014
  • August 2014
  • July 2014
  • June 2014
  • May 2014
  • April 2014
  • March 2014
  • February 2014
  • January 2014
  • December 2013
  • November 2013
  • October 2013
  • September 2013
  • August 2013
  • July 2013
  • June 2013
  • May 2013
  • April 2013
  • March 2013
  • February 2013
  • January 2013
  • December 2012
  • November 2012
  • October 2012
  • September 2012
  • August 2012
  • July 2012
  • June 2012
  • May 2012
  • April 2012
  • March 2012
  • February 2012
  • January 2012
  • December 2011
  • November 2011
  • October 2011
  • September 2011
  • July 2011
  • April 2011
  • March 2011
  • February 2011
  • January 2011
  • December 2010
  • November 2010
  • October 2010
  • September 2010
  • August 2010
  • July 2010
  • May 2010
  • April 2010
  • March 2010
  • February 2010
  • January 2010
  • December 2009
  • November 2009
  • October 2009
  • September 2009
  • August 2009
  • July 2009
  • May 2009
  • March 2009
  • February 2009
  • January 2009
  • December 2008
© Copyright - Polari Magazine - Wordpress Theme by Kriesi.at
  • scroll to top
  • Send us Mail
  • Follow us on Twitter
  • Join our Facebook Group
  • Subscribe to our RSS Feed
Website Privacy & Cookies